Teapot and The Beast
by slug-cat
Summary: After Adam hears he must learn to love he does the most logical thing: flirt with the staff to see who falls in love with him. Also, Chip doesn't exist out of convenience. T for possible violence. I don't own any of Beauty and the Beast.
1. Chapter 1

After Adam hears he must learn to love he does the most logical thing: flirt with the staff to see who falls in love with him. Also, Chip doesn't exist out of convenience. T for possible violence. I don't own any of Beauty and the Beast.

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"...You must learn to love another and earn their love in return before the last petal falls. If not you will be doomed to remain a beast for all of time." The Enchantress finished and the disappeared into a cloud of glittering mist.

Adam turned to look in the mirror and gasped in disgust at his reflection-he truly was The Beast.

For the next few day Beast moped around being sad, but on the seventh day if his sadness he realized he needed to take action upon his situation. He sat up in bed and called for Lumière to attend to him. As quick as a candlestick Lumière hopped up onto The Beast's nightstand.

" Lumière, I need your help with something… can you help me?"

"But of course Master! I'm glad to see you have seeked assistance, for I happen to be the best or the second best at almost everything! What is it that you need?"

"I need you to teach me how to love."

"Why of course Master! What a cunning idea, this is of course all in your plan to become human again and because of that we all shall help!"

"No don't call them, please?"

"What is wrong Master?"

"I don't want to learn how to love some random girl, why she of course would never be able to get past what I look like. I shall love one of the staff."

"What an interesting plan Master! Of course you shall need help and there is nothing I would love to do more than teach you the ways of winning a girl's love!"

The Beast smiled.

"That is of course, if a girl's love is what you want… The Enchantress never specified so if it is a boy you should like to woo and can arrange for that as well. There are some quite charming ones in the castle…" Lumière blushed and gazed towards a muffled sting of shouts coming from the kitchen. Cogsworth was no doubt keeping the kitchen organized as always.

"Hum… I uh, I think I girl should do." The Beast replied to the half listening Lumière.

"What did you say? Oh, oh yes. Perfect. A girl it shall be then! Now, I show you the ways of _love_!"

Lumière and The Beast spent countless hours those next few months practicing every trick in the book as to not fail when time came to impress the staff. Lumière confided in Cogsworth to take note of all the girl objects within the castle to look for suitable ones.


	2. Chapter 2

Soon there became only a few object left that Cogsworth gave an ok to. These last contestants were, The Wardrobe, Ms. Potts, and Babbette. Lumière was a little hesitant about letting Babbette try but as he had said before, "I shall do anything Master! Anything to make us human again!" so he stuck to his word and let Babbette try. As he did this his feelings towards his girlfriend and his closest friend got mixed into a jumble. He loved to dance with Babbette and loved to love her and yet something about Cogsworth was just so perfect, he couldn't explain it. Lumière shook his head as if to shake the dilemma from his head.

"Ahem, Wardrobe, you first. Go into The Master's room, he has something for you" Lumière winked at this like he promised The Beast he would. He opened the door with gusto and then closed it behind her.

"Why hello there Wardrobe, what a lovely surprise! I have been missing you dearly my sweet." The Beast said in the most charismatic tone he could manage with such a low and bellowing voice.

"Well, I'm glad to hear that Master because you really could use a new suit." The Wardrobe replied, looking concerningly at his worn out suit.

"Please, no need to call me Master." The Beast said, just like he and Lumière had practiced.

"Fine then Beast. But your hair oh dear! It needs combing!" The Wardrobe said, again looking over his appearance, "But I believe we should first do the suit. Let me take your measurements" The Wardrobe finished.

An idea entered The Beast's mind, he asked "Would you like me to take this off?"

The Wardrobe looked around, they were only in his room, his dressing quarters were two doors down but Lumière had sneakily locked the door. He was standing outside awaiting The Beast's secret series of stomps that meant "Not working out, next girl please." She didn't think that it was necessary for the suit to be taken off, a few tweaks would be fine without taking it off.

The Wardrobe looked at the Beast again, "Let me see the buttons on your sleeve." she asked. The Beast put out his arm and The Wardrobe stitched up the loose threads. "Let me see that seam by your shoulder?" she said, The Beast leaned over but she still couldn't reach it. She leaned over to get a hold of the half open seam but tipped all the way over with a THUNK!

Lumière quickly unlocked and opened the door to find The Wardrobe toppled sideways onto The Beast's shoulder. With help from the other objects Lumière managed to get The Wardrobe off of The Beast. She went back into her room and began to restock her supply of thread and other sewing materials. Lumière helped The Beast into a chair, Lumière asked what had happened as he rubbed his aching shoulder. The Beast explained and gave note to the fact that possibly a more flexible partner would do.

"Master you don't quite understand, we are all very much solid, the curse made us so!" Lumière explained.

"Perhaps then a smaller lover who can't fall on top of me? Yes?" The Beast asked.

"Of course, we can make those accommodations. Would you come here Cogsworth?" Lumière called.

"R-right here Master." said Cogsworth, "Oh sorry, uh Lumiere what can I d-do for you?" he asked.

"We need to know how large the rest of the contestants are, relative to The Beast that is," Lumière answered.

"I'd say th-there all m-much smaller, Ms. Potts is about as big as well, a teapot and Babbette, slightly smaller than th-that sir." Cogsworth said.

"Perfect!" Lumière exclaimed "Well, tomorrow you shall see Babbette, yes?" he asked, The Beast nodded. Lumière turned to Cogsworth, "Should you like to have supper with me old friend?" he asked.

"I-I'd love t-to." Cogsworth replied. And with that the two left.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day was one that quite a few of the objects were looking forward to, it was not uncommon to see a few of them grin at each other during breakfast whenever Lumière came past. Cogsworth was particularly uptight that morning, now it was on any simple day that one could observe Cogsworth being quite wound-up, stiff, and all together very stiff but today was a day where the other objects could see that not only were his springs, gears and hands tense but so was how he felt. Perhaps one could say that his heart was a little wound-up, while a human Cogsworth and Lumière had always been the best of friends despite their opposing dispositions. This friendship had gotten close enough that Cogsworth couldn't quite control himself from catching some of Lumière flamboyance, smiling a warm glow that almost hinted at a less nervous man. But when all of the staff turned to objects Cogsworth's physical immobility hid most of his inner feelings, all until that fateful day. Cogsworth finally realized that he had always longed to banish Babbette is someway that could leave Lumière open for him to… to… l-l-love? Cogsworth stuttered in his own thoughts and quickly cleared his mind to bring him to the task at hand: finding and delivering Babbette to his Master.


	4. Chapter 4

When Lumière got up the next morning he took the key to The Beast's room and hid it under a pile of his human clothes. He then stifled an urge to go downstairs and hide in a corner as The Beast courted with his Babbette but, he stuck to his word instead and followed Cogsworth and Babbette into The Beast's room. As they walked through the corridors to The Beast's room Lumière nervously glanced between the two objects he was walking with. One, a beautiful feather duster, and his ever flirtatious girlfriend. The other, an adorably timid mantel clock, and his closest friend since forever. They soon arrived at The Beast's door.

"Here she is M-Master." Cogsworth said to The Beast, to Babbette he said, "The Master should like to see you in his room." Babbette followed The Beast into his room and Cogsworth shuffled back to his post outside the door where Lumière was to stay as well. But Lumière, unusually tense, whispered to Cogsworth, "I believe I must have misplaced the key to the Master's room but I suppose closing the door a little bit will be quite alright, no?" Cogsworth nodded and closed the door all the way save for a small crack.

The day before, when Lumière and Cogsworth had supper together Lumière had confessed a small worry that he obtained and Cogsworth, being the friend he was, had agreed to help him.

"Please sit down Babbette, I haven't seen a girl as beautiful as you in years!" The Beast began. Lumière was already peeking in from the crack in the door.

"Oh, you must be joking Master!" Babbette let out a peal of laughter and Lumière was sure she was blushing. Envy ran up his back, he knew this was all for the best, but why his precious Babbette? He frowned at the stuttering thought Babbette being the one to break the spell.

"Hey, why don't we go see what Ms. Potts has cooked up today, eh Lumière?" Cogsworth put a hand on Lumière's shoulder. Lumière smiled gently, "You're very kind old friend but I simply must watch this." he replied and went back to his viewing post. The dusty record player began to spin and Lumière watched as The Beast attempted to get a record out of its sleeve. He eventually resorted to ripping off the cover leaving a large scratch in the record itself. But nevertheless he managed to get the record onto the player though Babbette finally had to step in and put the needle down before he wrecked anything else. A lovely waltz started to play from the record as The Beast asked, "May I have this dance?" he smiled a toothy grin. Babbette was just about to take his hand when Lumière rushed into the room.


	5. Chapter 5

"Oh Master, I'm so sorry!" Lumière pleaded the next day. He had burst into The Beast's meeting with Babbette on the acount that Lumière simply could not take it anymore.

"It's alright Lumière, I only wish I could find someone who makes me feel the way you do about Babbette." The Beast sighed, even if Lumière hadn't run in, the record still would have gotten to the scratches and it would have been a worse end to his trial with Babbette. He hoped that maybe the next day's meeting with Ms. Potts would turn out somewhat better than his first two flirtatious encounters. And indeed, it did.


	6. Chapter 6

The next day The Beast combed out his hair the best that he could and seated himself in his room, awaiting Lumière's entrance with the last of the contestants, Mrs. Potts. He was really very nervous because he knew that if he couldn't woo and love Mrs. Potts he would have to find a _human_ girl to love. _That_ , he was certain would not prove to work at all. Finally, after what seemed like eternity, Lumière entered, followed by Mrs. Potts.

"The master will see you now, and I shall be awaiting your return, Mrs. Potts." He winked at her and she brushed him off laughing. Pulling up another chair at the table, The Beast offered Mrs. Potts a seat.

"Milady-" She sat down blushing a little as The Beast began their conversation. "How do you like it here Mrs. Potts?"

"Oh I like it just fine, you're a wonderful master to serve." Mrs. Potts began

"Please, no need to call me Master. And you need not serve me any longer- for I will be serving you." The Beast said charismatically, he nudged the plate of cookies towards her and she gently took one.

"Oh Adam, you're too kind." She took a bite of the cookie, "These are delicious who made them?"

"I did Mrs. Potts," The Beast answered

"You did?" She laughed gently, "I- I didn't know that you baked!"

"Well I must admit that Cogsworth did help me." The Beast said "You should have seen him when I tasted a bit of dough!" He chuckled.

"Oh yes, the poor thing. Cogsworth is a little too uptight for his own good. But your cookies are delicious!" Mrs. Potts said.

"Oh you think so?" The Beast said, "Well I don't exactly call myself the master of the kitchen but…" Mrs. Potts laughed.

From just outside the door Lumière was nervously listening. The laughs seemed like a good sign so he walked over to where a large chair was awkwardly placed up against the wall. Scaling up the chair, Lumière caught sight of Cogsworth. "Can you see any better from up here Cogsworth? All I could hear was laughing. Are they doing well?"

"I'd say they're doing more than well, see for yourself." Cogsworth replied

The two were standing by The Beast's closet, Mrs. Potts pulling things out for The Beast to try on and the Beast obliging to try on whatever Mrs. Potts threw his way. A flirtatious game of dress up if ever one existed. It wasn't long before the makeup came out and the challenge of putting eye shadow on a beast had been conquered.

"You look _wonderful_ Adam!" Mrs. Potts laughed, she pulled out the blush and the largest brush she could find. "Ready?"

The Beast sighed and smiled, "Yes, I suppose I am- how much of that are you going to put on?" Mrs. Potts was already powdering away, first on the left cheek. She paused to answer The Beast's question, "I'd say, as much as I need until you really start blushing." she laughed again and so did The Beast.

"How clever you are indeed Mrs. Potts. Well, I'll tell you one thing for sure sweet tea, if I didn't have all this fur I'd already be blushing redder than The Rose." he smiled and winked at her.

"Well, if you say so…" Mrs. Potts said blushing harder, "Then I'd say time for some lipstick." She looked into the makeup bag, locating a bottle of it.

"In that case I'd better be quiet."

Mrs. Potts took out the lipstick, opened it and started to put it onto The Beast "That tickles!" He said, moving his head away from Mrs. Potts.

"Shhh, just stay still." Mrs. Potts said

"But- but- it's got this weird feeling to it." The Beast protested

"You're going to have to get used to it if you want this make over," Mrs. Potts said, but The Beast was already fantasizing, and Mrs. Potts did have a good point. He was going to have to get used to something on his lips if he wanted to be a human again. Mrs. Potts was already done putting lipstick on The Beast but she stayed there. She looked into his eyes, from afar they were intimidating and terrifying but here… she was so close to him. His eyes became less menacing, more caring… and more- loving.

The Beast in turn looked into Mrs. Potts eyes, he had always seen her as just another one of the staff. But she was much much more. So much more. He was so close to her yet- he wanted to be closer to her.

Mrs. Potts wondered, what if I got even closer, would he be even handsomer?

He leaned in, and so did she. The gentle touch of lips sent warmth throughout them.

What was she doing? Kissing her Master? No. Mrs. Potts pulled away from The Beast imagining what Babbette or the others might say about this.

"What's wrong Beatrice?" The Beast asked,

"I'm sorry Adam but-" Mrs. Potts turned back to look at The Beast, "Did you just call me-?"

"Beatrice, yes." The Beast answered- finishing her sentence.

" How did you know?" Mrs. Potts asked.

"I have my ways…" The Beast answered, "but if you don't want me to-"

"Oh no it's alright" Mrs. Potts interrupted, "It's just that, the only one who's ever called me that was my father." Mrs. Potts explained.

"I see…" The Beast replied

"But I'd love it if you called me Beatrice." Mrs. Potts said

"Well then Beatrice, would you like to do that again?" The Beast smiled and Mrs. Potts returned it.

Lumière didn't know how long the two were in there for but they didn't leave 'till far past dinner when they bid each other goodnight. The Beast did nothing but smile as he drifted to sleep.


	7. Epilogue

It was a sweet story of love ever after that, Mrs. Potts and the Beast dated for some time until finally Mrs. Potts confessed her love towards the Beast and the Beast did in return. Adam and Beatrice lived in the castle together for many long years and even had their very own child whom they named Chip so they could always remember their past in their future.

A/N I am now opening this up to anyone who might want to write other parts of this ship, I have only scratched the surface on this unusual ship. If anyone had any other ideas for it I welcome you to post them in your own story. Believe me I would keep writing this but I have so many other things that I'm writing. This seems a fitting place to stop so please go write sequel to this fanfic and create your own part of the story.


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